


if i don’t see you before you leave

by larvitar



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, basically just a monologue from veronica at heathers gravestone, sad boy hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-26 01:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larvitar/pseuds/larvitar
Summary: Veronica pays a visit to an old friend.☆★☆chansaw , one - shot , angst , post - canon





	if i don’t see you before you leave

**Author's Note:**

> hello someone tell me Why the chansaw tag on ao3 has had little to no actual chansaw only content in it ??? so erm hello fun chansaw only angst one shot for you guys ( also title from the teen suicide song , listen to it for best effect : https://youtu.be/gaTmzEfCBPo )

The grass is still wet from the April dew, and Veronica hates it. She wears her nice black Mary Janes for this, and this is what she gets. Gross.

It takes a bit of searching, pushing back bushes, and careful inspection for Veronica to actually find what she’s looking for. Finally, she nearly steps on it- thank God she didn’t, she didn’t need another curse.

”Oh, sorry.” She steps back, pulling back her foot and looking down at it expectantly. It doesn’t do anything. Veronica blinks, and then sits next to it, pulling down her skirt and sitting in the unfortunately wet grass. Once again, gross.

”Hey.” Veronica starts, and pauses immediately after like she expects an answer. There’s no response, just the tweeting of birds in the trees nearby.

”I guess I should start off by saying I’m sorry. I brought these for you, if it makes any difference.” Veronica takes off her blue bookbag, unbuttoning it to pull out a package of BQ corn nuts.

”I never understood why you called them BQ instead of BBQ. I mean, there’s two Bs in barbeque.” Veronica sighs. “Unless there’s not, and it’s some kind of Mandela Effect. Who knows.”

”I guess there’s a lot I could say to you.” Veronica fiddles with her skirt, now damp from where she’s been sitting. “Do you remember when we went to the mall together, and you saw some worthless ex from another school and we totally set him up, and the tool landed in the mall fountain?” Veronica laughs to herself. “God, that was very.”

Veronica rummages in her pack again, pulling out a strip of cheap photobooth pictures. “I was reminded of that because of these.” Veronica looks down at the pictures, seeing Heather and her laughing, full of life. “Jesus,” she says, running a thumb over Heather’s face. “That was so goddamn long ago, wasn’t it?”

”Remember when you took me to that Jefferson kegger? It totally blowed, but I don’t know if you remember, but we got totally stoned off our ass, and it was great. I drove you home, because I took less hits and sobered up quickly, but you were checked the fuck out.” Veronica laughs, smiling fondly at the memory.

”My mom was at home, and she asked from the kitchen if my party went well. I said it was great, thanks mom, but I’m going upstairs now. When we got upstairs, you scoffed and mocked my mom, asking me if my paaaarty went well. You were so frustrating, but it felt so fun. Just us, no Heather or Heather, and it was glorious.”

Veronica goes silent for a few moments. “Hey, do you remember when you kissed me that night? I mean, weed is a different drug than alcohol, so you should, but I don’t know if you repressed it or something like that.” Veronica laughs, light but a bit forced. “I’m sure we would’ve gone farther that night if you weren’t stoned off your ass. I just didn’t want to take advantage of you, or anything.”

Veronica blinks for a second, recalling earlier memories. “I remember the night after that kegger, I called you up and asked you about that kiss.” Veronica looks away, drawing her knees up to her chest. “You told me to shut up. I could tell you we’re holding something back, so I told you to just talk to me. You were silent on your side of the line for a few, and then you said ‘I’m not a dyke, Sawyer.’ And you hung up.”

Veronica faces her gaze back to the gravestone. “Were you telling the truth?” A few moments pass by, and nothing happens. Birds chirp, the sun continues to shine, and the Earth continues to spin. Veronica kind of wishes it didn’t.

”Nevermind,” she says quickly, looking away again. “I’m sorry about that night.” Veronica sighs. “And that morning. It was bad. But hey, JD’s dead now, right?” Veronica faces back toward the grave, smiling weakly. The cursive letters engraved in stone do nothing but mock her. “He was a real jerkoff, but he’s gone now. I don’t know why I listened to him. He was just a pretty boy with a gun and some real killer strategy.” Veronica snorts. “Literally.”

”I don’t know why I came here. I wanted closure, but, I don’t know what I got. One more thing for you, though.” Veronica reaches in her bag again, pulling out a bouquet of flowers.

”Red tulips,” Veronica says, fingers shaking a bit as she gently gripped the plastic. “I almost got you roses, but I guess red tulips mean eternal love. Or perfect love. Something like that.”

”That’s basically what I wanted to convey to you, though. I think I was kind of in love with you. It’s stupid. You treated me like shit except for in private, you made me hit grandiose highs and beyond horrid lows, and yet...” Veronica places the bouquet on the wet stone, stroking the flowers gently. “I guess I thought you were more than that.”

”I think I miss you, too. I shouldn’t! You antagonized me with no end, and yet you make me miss that, sometimes.”

”The Heathers are doing good for themselves, by the way. Heather is much more herself, now. Less of a follower, so I’m proud. Heather is back to the way she was before- meek and out of the picture. I still talk to them both. I’m trying to get Heather help for her bulimia, too. They miss you like hell, though.” Veronica looks at the cursive on the grave, tracing the engraving a little with her short fingernails.

”As for me? Well, I’m at Harvard for Psych now, to be a therapist. I don’t want kids to spiral out of control because their parents didn’t care about them. I want to help people the best way I can. I want to help kids like JD... and like you.” Veronica goes silent for a bit after that. She wants to say more, but she doesn’t know how.

Finally, Veronica speaks again, while playing with a blade of grass. “I guess the night at the party, I was fucking mortified. I was mortified I might like you, when you went off with that David tool and I felt myself being jealous of some sleazy college douchebag and I wished I was kissing you again. Throwing up on your designer heels wasn’t the ideal response, so I’m sorry for that. I guess it was just scary for me to think about.”

Veronica stands up, looking at the bleak slab of stone and all she’s put under it. BQ Corn Nuts, a strip of photobooth pictures, and a bouquet of red tulips. She hoists her bookbag up, back on her shoulder, and looks depressingly at all she’s put down.

”I’m sorry for ever trying you, Heather. You had more going on than I realized.” She waves awkwardly at the gravestone. “See you later?”

Veronica looks at it for a few moments, tears welling in her eyes.

”Yeah. See you later.”

☆★☆

**Author's Note:**

> hehehe i’m sad bitch da girl i went out w rejected me ... thank you kanye very cool anyways here’s this one shot bc i wanna post Something even if it’s shit enjoy xoxo  
> ☆★☆  
> torture me on tumblr krookodyke.tumblr.com


End file.
